It’s a peaceful blue night, with snow falling as thick as coconut flakes.  The turkey lumber through, tamp down the snow, and pause under the bird feeders to see if any seed might have fallen.  There are forty-eight, which is still below our record of seventy-five, all at one time.

These snowed-in kind of nights are my favorite.  We turn on the floodlights, and the snow whirls and shines.  Liliana begs for me to hold her up to the dining room window, to reach for the snowflakes swirling past the glass.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2008.  It seems hard to believe.  The older I get, the more I wonder where time goes, as though it were an old uncle who must embark on a long journey, never to return again.  “Au revoir, au revoir,” as Liliana says.

I think one thing I learned in practice this last year was to live day by day, moment by moment.  To savor each minute as a gift.  Not that I haven’t done it in the past–just that I’m hardwired, it seems, to plan for the future, to know the ins-and-outs of all situations.  You caught me.  I’m a…come a little closer so I can whisper it in your ear…planner. If you just felt an aggravated twinge right there beneath your ribs, yeah, that’s the response I get from my family, too.  I’m still in-process (and if that sounds like merchandise that’s still in the test-drive stage, that’s exactly what it feels like).  I want so much to plan for the future.  I want so much to dream about what might be.  Instead, I know that I could never imagine what may be, because all of us–Dan, myself, and Liliana–are changing daily, much like a mobile adjusting its newfound weight.  And that’s a good thing.  Tough sometimes, but good.

[Post image: Turkeys making their way through our woods]

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The quote I live by

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
--Rainer Maria Rilke in Letters to a Young Poet

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