So.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the role of doubt in faith lately, namely because I have a talk to give on June 23rd at the Wild Goose Festival in NC.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve lived with doubt for a long time now (well, ever since I wrote Eve).  It’s a lonely place to be sometimes, for not everyone sees the discrepancies between what they’re supposed to believe and what they actually do.  Because we’re taught certainty and rightness and absolutes from day one.  Then you grow up and start living your life, and you realize it doesn’t work that way.  The world has a lot more gray in it than black and white.

My husband and I were having a conversation the other day, and although I was insisting that questioning and doubt were the same thing, he was arguing that no, they aren’t.  Lots of people will accept the fact that you’re questioning, but if you cross over that invisible line and hesitate to believe, that’s a whole other thing.  You are now a heretic, and you must be brought back into the fold.  Immediately.  Forget the fact that you’re actually thinking through things, doing the work of digging through history and rhetoric, and this takes time.  Lots of time.  No, you should be able to do your research quickly (snap, snap!).  You don’t have an infinite amount of time to figure these things out.

“Enough already!” they say.  “There now.  What do you believe…for certainty?”  But when you start to stumble around, trying to say that although such-and-such beliefs sound good, there’s no evidence for them.  They start fidgeting in their seats, because they know for a fact you’re going to hell, and they have to save you.

Well.  I can’t think faster.  I can’t read faster.  I can’t believe if it doesn’t make sense.  That’s just the way I am.  And if you tell me it’s all about faith, I’d have to disagree, because there are a number of things in this world you can have faith about—most of which you would never even give credence to.  How about Jesus’s return on May 21st?  Did you have faith in that?

No, there are those who want me to have faith in the “inerrant” word of God that was written by myriads of scribes who wrote their sections with political, religious, and cultural biases.  You want me to have faith in stories that were taken from earlier civilizations and changed to “fit” Hebrew thinking at the time.  It doesn’t negate the stories; they’re simply not original.  I know; I’ve done my research.  I think that needs to be taken into consideration.

Brace yourselves.  I’m going to be more blunt.  I’m thinking Nietzsche wasn’t too far off.  That we created God because we needed him.  We want closure.  We want a happy ending.  We want our lives to count for something.  And we’ll do anything in our power to read our texts that way.  In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that were you wearing different glasses, you’d be reading those same texts in a completely alternate way, and if you don’t believe me, we already do.  That’s why there are so many denominations (factions, I like to call them).

I’m not saying there’s not a God.  I’m saying that we’ve created the God we want. That’s just the way it works.  And if you’re a writer, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s encouraging to find others who are searching like me.

And I don’t mean in the derogatory sense.  I once had someone say to me, “Yeah, I just told him you were s-e-a-r-c-h-i-n-g.”  And she wasn’t putting a positive spin on it.  No, it was more like saying, “Yeah, I told him you were going to hell in a hand basket.”

If you are like me, wanting to know you’re not alone—doing the hard work of asking questions…and doubting—I’ll send you to this lovely post, “Faith, Doubt and Inspiration” by Brené Brown.

And then I’ll send you a guest post I did on the Wild Goose Festival blog about the transformative power of asking questions.  Really, truly, if you’re on the fence about the festival, please consider coming—to add your voice to the mix.

That’s what I’m talking about.  I want to surround myself with others who are wrestling with the questions (and are okay with it).  What about you?

[Post image: Tulips by Verzon on stock.xchng]